Biggest goodbyes

I cannot begin to express how very blessed we were this year.


These women loved and cared for Clare in ways I did not even imagine she needed. They set down their typical curriculum in order to teach her what she needed most: how to stand up on her own two feet. They held her up and offered her the chance to grow into her full stature. They encouraged her to be a loving and brave friend, and I could not be more grateful. They taught her to read, gave her space to speak her mind, and fostered her sensitive voice. They validated fears, nudged her to engage fully, and showed her how to speak up. She can now stand up and read to her class with confidence. In many ways, I feel like she just had her kindergarten. Next year she will be able to focus on the transition to public school and relax about everything else. We have Mrs. Race and Mrs. McCullough to thank for that.

We celebrated with our school family today at the bowling alley.








The we headed back to school for pizza and popsicles.





The kids were showered with gifts and love.











And had to say some very sad goodbyes.
We will make a lot of changes next year. We have been processing them the best we can as we walk up to them, and we're doing fairly well. Still, the realizations are coming fast and so is the grief that always comes with every change. The hardest realization we've had so far was yesterday when it sunk in for Clare that Mac will not be with her in school next year. At the end of their last real school day together, she got in the van and cried for 45 minutes. She and Mac have been inseparable since they went to Palaestra at Crenshaw's last summer. They save each other seats, push each other on the swings, fight like sisters and defend each other just the same. It's been inspiring to see the tender hearts of these little girls as they have plowed through the new and complicated social aspects of school life side by side. They came through it beautifully by supporting each other.
Today they split Best Friend necklace, so that when they're apart they can remember that they have support out there in the collective heart.


Thankfully, it won't end here. Their friendship has inspired a connection between our families that will continue for years, God willing. They're a big part of our church family and we also share a play group.
Time marches on, but the best things (and people) stay in our hearts forever.

Olympic style endings

Ella had her last gymnastics class today. She has grown so much with Coach AJ. He supported her perfectly and pushed her gently to be independent. I was so happy for her when I watched her cross the beam all by herself. Today she had the courage to flip over the uneven bars, something she hasn't had the courage to do very often. This little girl has a lot of gusto.



She stood up on that podium with her trophy held high. It was enough to make a mama choke back a sob. A moment like that for a child builds more self esteem than a years worth of compliments. I saw her filled up in that moment with her own pride, soaking up a feeling of accomplishment.



She'll carry that forever; and so will I.

Fat beam

Today was visitation day at gymnastics. I got a good eyeful.

TADA!

20$

To the first person who can guess the song.

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Hijacked

Does anyone happen to have all 92 of my posts from this blog saved? *sob* - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Movin' on up.

Ella has just completed some major milestones. Big growth for her. She can count actual items now. She's been able to count to twenty (and then from twenty-five to thirty) for a while, but when you ask her to count items, she often counts some twice or skips some or really just starts counting and doesn't stop (remember the hide and seek video?). Well something finally clicked and now...


Bingo! Counting up a storm.

She also demonstrated in Supercool Preschool this morning that she knows more about letters than I thought. Miss Elizabeth was teaching today and asked her to pass out some bowls of beads. Each bowl had a letter on the bottom like this:


When I asked her who each belonged to, she told me without hesitation J was for Jim and S was for Scott and Z was for Zachery. I had no idea.

I guess that live in micro-tutor is finally paying off.



To add further evidence in support of her growing brilliance, I submit that she did not eat the lard covered bagel we made as a bird feeder.
Thank heaven for tiny miracles...

Guilt and the grudge

Clare is really struggling with something. She is working through some friendship skills at a brisk pace, offering a sneak peek at the teenage years to come. Lawd help me.

It started a few weeks ago when she had a fight with her friend, Mac. She got mad at Mac when she divulged her hiding spot during hide and seek. She screamed and ran off and just lost it. Mac apologized, but she would not let it go. She didn't want her to leave, but she wouldn't forgive her, either. She was absolutely holding her hostage in her anger. It was so painful. It took days to unravel it all and several apology notes. She lost some trust with Mac, but not any love, thank goodness.

This led her to write an apology note to a classmate for accidentally knocking down his blocks. I thought it was classic overcompensation. So I let it go.

But today, I see we've gone another way. She and Mac were chasing each other and Clare tripped her by accident. Mac was screaming immediately. Thinking she had broken something, we ran to Mac immediately and took care of her. By the time the dust had settled, Clare was in a dark and tough place. She seemed shaken by the attention I'd given Mac (I am the keeper of the Mary Poppins purse that holds all things first aid). So realizing my error in not touching base with her, I went to talk to her. But all she would say to me was "It's my fault. I did it." She was crying and yelling and would not be held. Bless her. No amount of reassurance would convince her to let herself off the hook. She was treating herself the same way she'd treated Mac weeks ago. Then she refused to let Mac talk to her. She kept running away from her and making mean gestures. How horrible. Eventually I had to draw a firm boundary for her and tell her to stop. I gave her two more minutes to run it out and asked her to stop treating her friend that way when that time was up. She came around, but not until I firmly and clearly told her what to do. By that time, Mac was scared to approach her, worried to be emotionally wounded again. Slightly scarred.


Not all wounds can be covered by Hello Kitty. She was hurt today, too and she needs to heal. However, it's hard to know how to help her because her age keeps me from really being able to dig in with her in a way that I'm accustomed to. I'm praying a lot and hugging her a lot and talking when she's available (mentally). I know she's learning and I'm not worried about her, just stumped about how deep to go. I've always given her a ton of credit for being wise. Always assumed capability in her favor. But I don't know if it would be better to just teach her the golden rule and move on.
Le sigh.

Motherhood.